Our high school students have some wonderful things going for them. From signing to prestigious colleges to acing many extraordinary artistic and academic feats, we have some pretty amazing students. So, I would really like to know – why can the people of LCM High School do so many great things and still walk like they have absolutely no motivation to do anything in their lives? What has caused this hair-pulling epidemic of slow walkers?

Our school multiplies in students every year and our hallways are much too small for the amount of kids in this school. The administrators recognize this, hence the building of the new school and the addition of much wider hallways. In the meantime, though, our hallways are big enough to have only two streams of traffic – this way and that way. So, when you’re walking like mindless zombies staring at your phone as you shuffle down the hallway, move over and let us who need to make it to Timbuktu (the B hall) in five minutes book it to where we need to be.

Couples and “BFF’S” have also become an obstacle in this little thing we call the hallways. When you just absolutely cannot get enough of your best friend or significant other, join the rest of the hand-holders and find a place where  you will not obstruct the flow of traffic. Walking side by side and holding hands causes a big problem because when you’re taking your sweet, lovely time, there are a million people trying to get around your .1 MPH speed but cannot because they can’t avoid running into the other lane. Be courteous, people.

Truly though, there is nothing worse than large groups. You think trying to get past two people is bad? Try five. It’s like trying to push through a herd of bulls. It’s almost impossible. Their incessant droning about useless matters makes them oblivious to the other herd of people trying to get to their classes, but cannot because of the turtle speed the group is walking at.

If you fit into any of the categories listed above, you may be a slow walker. Fear not – you can change! Here are some helpful tips to put a little pep in your step.

1. Think of some motivation. Example: The faster you walk, the faster you get to class and get your work done, and the faster you get to go home.
2. Put down the phone. If you simply just pay attention to where you’re walking and keep your eyes on the prize, your speed will pick up by at least 20 more steps a minute!
3. Talk to your friends and significant others at points in the school where everyone has more room to move about and walk around.
4. Avoid large groups. You can see your squad after school. That’s what Waffle House is for.

I hope this article raises awareness for slow walkers around the world (LCM) and possibly helps change one into a fast-moving speed demon who makes everyone’s lives just a little less miserable.